


Horse AU

by kelpie_flavored



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Sex, Joke Fic, M/M, Oral Sex, beastiality, dave gets fucked, dont read this, karkat is a horse, seriously, there is no lube this is so sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-06-16 10:07:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15434706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelpie_flavored/pseuds/kelpie_flavored
Summary: I'M SO FUCKING SORRY





	1. Chapter 1

“NEIGH” Karkat said. “lol im not even supposed to be here” said dave. “im supposed to be in jail for bea- well, you dont need to know about that, do you, sugar?” Karkat neighs again. “god thats hot” dave says. “ill come back later, cant do this in the middle of the day, huh?”

dave came back that night. “sup, babe? you come here often?” Karkat stares at him. “yeah didnt think id get a response. we both know why im here.” He puts his hand on Krakat’s dick. “wow, youre big.”

Just then farmer terezi wakes up to loud whinneying from her horse. “WH4T TH3 FUCK?” She grabs her gun and walks out to her barn and comes across a sight too gross to describe. Dave, sat down on the ground next to Karkat’s giant dangling weiner. He really was hung like a horse. She begins screaming. “G3T 4W4Y FROM H1M, YOU CR33P!” She begins firing her gun. A bullet hits the guy as he runs.

“OH TH4NK FUCK, YOU’R3 S4F3.” She sighs. “BUT TEREZI I LOVE HIM” Karkat says. “OH MY GOD” Terezi is so fucking done. She sighs again and then steps outside the barn. A trail of blood leads away. She leans down and licks some. Tastey babey. From inside the barn Karkat can be heard horse noiseing in protest. He wants to lick some too.

“GOD K4RK4T YOUR3 SUCH A W31RDO” Terezi says, shaking her head. She leaves. Karkat takes the moment and kicks the door to his stall down and bursts out into the open air. He then scuttles over to the blood trail and licks it like its the best goddamn salt block he’s ever had. He makes more horse noises. Neigh.

USING HIS BASSET HOUND NOSE karkat follows the blood trail. His nostrils flare as he picks his way across the lawn. But in the distance he hears a noise.

“D4MM1T K4RK4T” Terezi’s voice launches across the pasture. It is loud and intimating and gives karkat a spook. Karkat takes off into a gallop, trying to follow his love’s blood as close as he can. Eventually it leads him to a forest. A very dark forest. Sitting perched in a tree is a familiar creature. A fucking owl stares down at karkat. It examines him closely. Karkat knows this owl. Boy does karkat know this fucking owl.

“hOnK”

Boy if karkat doesnt know this fucking owl.

“wHaT dO yOu Be NeEdInG mY bRoThEr?”

Karkat neighs.

“rIgHt RiGhT i HeAr Ya. He WeNt ThAt A wAyS.” gamzee lifts his wing to point off in a direction in the woods. 

Karkat neighs in thanks and runs off to find his true love.

It takes a while but eventually he hears heavy breathing in the woods. He looks around and eventually spots Dave with his dick out. “oh hi babe, you wanna help me with this?” Karkat neighs excitedly, his eyes flaring. He can feel his Big Horse Dick slipping out of its pouch. “cmon dude get over here” Karkat canters over to where dave sits. Blood is still dripping out of a hole in dave’s arm. Karkat licks at it. “hot but could you help me jerk it or something”

Karkat blinks at dave for a few seconds before hovering his head over daves dick. Karkat’s eyes flick between dave and his Giant Human Dick. Karkat then parts his lips and moves his head up and down on the Dick. Dave leans back, giving off a moan. “oh yeah baby, just dont use your teeth for the love of fuck”

Right now for Karkat Dave is the bridle and his sweet dick is the bit and karkat is loving every second of it. Karkat takes daves words to heart and is carefully to keep his teeth away from the precious fragile skin. “okay this is nice babe but what youre packing is much bigger”

With a smirk Karkat turns his body to the side to reveal his Giant Horse Dick. Bitch was bigger than a bad dragon dildo. Way bigger. This was the real deal. “that thing is bigger than my arm what the fuck its going to kill me” Karkat neighed seductively, nodding his head. “is that the plan?” dave asks. Karkat shrugs however a horse does a shrug. “fuck” dave whispers. Dave is totally aroused by that giant thing dangling in front of him. It’s beckoning him, like an anglers fish’s light deep in the dark depths of the ocean. “i dont have lube dude”

“WE’LL MAKE IT WORK,” Karkat whispers in a very human like voice. “NOW BEND THAT HOT ASS OVER” Dave promptly drops trou and assumes the mating position. Karkat not so carefully mounted onto Dave, hovering his giant body over dave’s tiny frame. He aligns his massive horse penis with dave’s tiny hole and then slowly thrusts in. At first it stubbornly won’t enter, but after a couple seconds and a little force pops into place and Dave’s ass starts bleeding. 

Dave himself moans in a mix of pain and pleasure. It feels oh so good. “karkat…” Karkat thrusts deeper inside. “YOU FEEL SO GOOD DAVE.” Karkat’s thrusts get faster and faster, each time a little bit deeper too. Dave is groveling on the ground, clawing at the earth as this giant force rushes in and out of him. Fuck, it feels like Karkat is going to kill him. He’s not going to die, right? Right. Dave can’t see the blood rushing out of him with each thrust. However his abdomen hurts, even just a little bit. Maybe he’s imagining it? But then he gets a sense of impending doom, but as Karkat thrusts again it’s swept away in a mix of euphoria and pain.

“GOD IM GONNA CUM.” Karkat promptly cums in Dave’s tight, bleeding ass. Dave winces in pain as Karkat thrusts much deeper than he had before. It’s just… so much. All right in there. Filling up his whole body. Crushing up into his lungs. Maybe one of his ribs is broken now. “karkat...please...get your dick out of me…” Karkat is too engrossed with the feeling of Dave and his wonderful, overpowering orgasm to notice his cries. “it hurts so bad, please stop” Karkat only notices Dave crying after a few more thrusts. But by then his cries are weak and breathy, and his face is turning blue. In the distance a honk is heard, very quietly. Neither Dave or Karkat hear it. Dave can’t hear it, as he’s slowly fading out of consciousness. “kar…” Karkat pulls out quickly in panic. Blood and gallons of cum flood out of Dave’s ass. “DAVE?! OH MY GOD DAVE!!!” Karkat makes a lot of distressed horse noises, his eyes widening and his nostrils flaring. He rears up, flailing his front legs and hooves about in the air. “NO! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY TRUE LOVE!”

But Dave was already gone. His body flopped over onto the ground. Dave’s corpse was gross with a look of fear and bliss on his face. A pool of blood slowly formed around Dave, along with other bodily fluids as they do when people die. Messy, really. But alas Karkat stood over Dave’s body, still in shock of what the FUCK just happened. “I CAN’T BELIEVE I KILLED ANOTHER ONE” He cried, tears pouring down his horse face. 

Karkat sits in the forest, mourning his love. He guesses he should’ve known not to do this after last time, but he just wanted love. Don’t we all? Maybe one day, he will find someone sturdy enough to withstand his massive horse penis, but until then he’ll just have to keep on trucking, keep on ruining innocent lives until that day. Fin.


	2. prequel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh you know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhg

Dave Strider liked walking around target, it was a nice place. The air smelled like bitter coffee, but he kind of liked it. It was nice to just walk around and shit.

Eventually, he walks over to the kids toys aisle. He needs to get his little brother something for his birthday, didn’t he like that one pony show? He couldn’t quite remember the name of it now. Anyway, he decided the area with all the little plastic farm figure area was probably the best place to look for now. Dave’s eyes scanned the shelves, all the absolutely shitty plastic figurines scattered around haphazardly, each one more poorly made than the last. Around the middle section of shelves was the section for the horses. Dave reached out and picked up a random figurine, looking it over. 

Upon flipping the toy over, he discovered the horse had a penis modeled onto it. Oh no. He immediately felt a deep longing in his loins. Fuck, not here. But… there was nobody in the aisle with him… no! What is he even thinking?  For a moment Dave glanced up rows of “cameras” hanging from the ceiling. Hmmm… All those couldn’t possibly be real cameras, right? Just deterrents? By the minute and with the increasing erection in his pants the idea grew more and more viable. Fuck, was he really that much of an exhibitionist? Yes, yes he was, his body answered. With a quick motion Dave unzipped his pants and had his penis out in a matter of moments, still holding the horse with his other hand. 

Okay, okay! This was fine, not like anyone was really going to be walking down this aisle soon, wasn’t it kind of late? Haha, yeah, no kids are going to be up this late, dragging their parents over here. It would be fine. Dave touched the tiny horse’s mouth to the tip of his penis. Oh man. Precum was already leaking from the tip just from the tiny motion alone. Shit, does this thing’s mouth open any wider? He tries to force it, but just ends up pinching himself. Okay, bad idea there. Thoughts alone would have to be enough. For now. Dave imagined the real thing, standing right in front of him, its mouth open and ready to accept him into it. Dave started to moan loudly, but muffled it with his hand quickly and glanced about the aisle. After a moment, he continued stroking his shaft, holding the plastic horse up close to it.

Dave can feel his knees shaking, fuck this is so good. So fucking good. He imagines the horse’s tongue sliding across his dick, the lips nibbling as they move up and down on him. Yessss, god, yes. Dave can feel himself getting close to the edge, but he doesn’t want it to stop so soon. He wraps his other hand around the base of his dick so hard that it hurts, fuck, the pain’s kind of good. Euphoria begins to flood through him as he gets closer and closer to cumming, and right as he’s about to he hears a voice echo down the aisle. His blood runs cold as he covers himself with his hoodie as fast as he can. But it’s too late. His penis squirts out large quantities of jizz all over the horse figurine. Uh, whoops? He hides it in his hoodie pocket.

An old woman comes down the aisle, followed by a tall man with huge fucking muscles, shit, that’s the security guard. “I was just going to buy a little farm animal set for my darling granddaughter Annejaydynette when I saw this awful man take his penis out and start touching himself with one of the little horse toys!” The security guard, Equine if Dave’s reading his nametag correctly, is looking right into his eyes (or rather, his shades). “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to come with me.” Oh, Dave is so fucked. His heart drops to the bottom of body as he takes feeble steps towards the guard. “Uh, yeah, okay man, what do you want to talk about?” The guard glares at him, “I’m going to have to ask you to come to the back room and wait for the police, sir.” Fuck. Eventually Dave trails behind the guard, terrified out of his mind. He’s never been to jail before, is he going to jail? Are they going to put him on a list? Fuck, he hopes not. 

Equius (he can read the nametag now) points at a chair and firmly tells Dave to sit down. Dave squirms in the chair. He’s not going to lie, he sort of has a thing for huge muscly guys and people who can boss him around, and this dude is checking both those boxes at once. Needless to say, it’s not doing great things for his dick. Equius stands in front of Dave, his arms crossed in just the right way so as to showcase his muscles doubly so. He stands there, looking Dave up and down, eyeing him carefully. This… is sort of hot to Dave, fuck. “Uh, hey man, I can offer you a pretty great deal if you’ll let me out of here.” Equius cocks an eyebrow. “And what would that be? I doubt you’ll have any good explanation for your actions.” Dave plays up his confidence a bit. “Oh, I have something much better than an explanation. Tell me, how often do you get your dick sucked, man?”

Dave can see the guard’s face turning bright red. “That- is not necessary for you to know!” Dave leans over the table, he’s pretty sure if he was a girl then his tits would be on full display right now. “Oh, but it is.” Dave bites his lip for extra effect. “You know, I love a man in uniform,” Dave says. “You gonna answer my question or not?” Dave prompts. Equius gets even more flustered and looks away. “I, well, it’s would be quite unprofessional of me to take up such an offer.” Dave wiggles his eyebrows. “Not hearing a no, man.” Equius studies Dave for a moment, his eyes flicking up and down Dave’s body. “So it that a yes?” Dave prompts further. Equius hesitates for another moment, his lips slightly parted as if he were about to speak. With a shrug, Dave reaches out at puts his hand on Equius’ thigh. Equius flinches back but then slowly relaxes against Dave’s touch. In his pants Equius can feel his erection increasing as blood flows through him. 

Equius glanced around the room, and then slowly unzipped his pants. Dave bit his lip as he watched Equius pull his dick out, and boy was it larger than Dave originally thought. A spark of adrenaline rushed through Dave and he eyed the large penis, nervous of whether he could take it all in or not. Equius was sweating buckets, perspiration covering his body as he held his dick in his hand. Dave reached out and slipped his hand under Equius’ dick, pushing Equius’ hand away. For a moment Dave stroked it as self lubrication built up. Shit, he wished there was lube at this Target. But then again, for Dave’s real tastes, regular lube wouldn’t cut it anyway, just good old fashioned dick suckage. Dave put his mouth on the tip of Equius’s penis, while above Equius buried his face in his elbow to stifle a moan.

Dave slowly took more and more of the penis into his mouth, savoring the satly bitterness of the precum. Equius moaned louder, unable to contain the noises. However, that was something Dave loved hearing. The moans encouraged him to suck harder around Equius’ thick penis. Every time Dave moved his mouth down on Equius’ dick, he was able to fit more and more in, slowly getting used to having the massive dong in his throat. Actually, fuck sucking this dick. Dave was horny and he needed it  _ now. _ “Hey, fucker, gonna ride you now.” Equius barely gets a moments notice before Dave pulls off of him and pushes him back onto the table. Dave hastily undoes his pants and lets them drop to the floor. He then slides his underwear off in the sexiest manner possible, revealing his thicc plush ass. Then he turns around and positions himself over Equius’ dick, and then slowly eases backwards onto it. The tip pops into Dave’s ass, and Dave is feeling the burn as those workout videos like to say. Yeah, he really should’ve used lube, but Dave isn’t a coward and isn’t going to stop now, no matter how much his asshole is tearing. Maybe the blood will work as lube, who knows. 

Despite the pain, Equius’ dick in his ass feels amazing, god damn. Dave can feel his own boner returning, though he does feel really fucking sensitive right now. Equius choses to do nothing about Dave’s erection and just lays there, enjoying Dave grinding on his penis. Equius is all leaned back and relaxed, his arms crossed behind his head. Meanwhile Dave is still bouncing up and down, grunting at the incredible dryness and stretch. 

Then suddenly came a knock on the door. “We’re here for the criminal cum! I mean scum!” It was, of course, the local police. With a swift move Equius shoved Dave off, stood up, and pulled his pants on, leaving Dave bare ass naked on the ground. “Come in!” Equius shouted. The door swung open, revealing two police officers. “Thank god you two got here just in the nick of time. This boy was trying to seduce me!” Equius was lying of course. “Well, we’ll see to it this scum gets put behind bars for a long time,” one of the police officers said. Meanwhile, Dave just laid out on the floor in shock, staring up at them. The officers handcuff him and drag him out of the room.

With a satisfied grin, Equius closes the door behind him. He then pulls out his phone and clicks on a few things, revealing a live video feed of the room. The cumslut then proceeds to rewind the video, making sure he got it all filmed and on the screen. And boy if he didn’t. He uploads it to pornhub, because of course he does. For him it brings in large quantities of money. And for Dave, it causes him to go into witness protection, changing his last name to avoid the shame of the video called “David Sasuke Strider gets fucked in the ass by a buff security guard.” His new name being Dave Lalonde, he sets back out into the world after his prison sentence, hoping that nobody will recognize his face. 

A few days later the video becomes a meme and he goes into hiding for a long-ass time.

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry


End file.
